thoughts from mr average

I am in a disarray now. Prelims left me in tatters. And my state of mind is probably metastable.Maybe it was not that bad.

I didn't have to offer conjectures to post prelim conundrums -- there were none. There wasn't much for me to make concessions or compromises over either. But i do have a confession to make. The reason for the many words starting with "C" in this paragraph is because my grades are such. The cause for my concern.

What i was hoping for two months back were six dignified and benign "B"s ready to burst and bellow... bark, bawl -- whatever. ISP tells me i am not really there; bottoms up and the other way round. Just brilliant.

Prescience. "A" is next. Sure.

Prelims is over.



I saved this quote on my screen some time ago, it appeared to mean something to me then. So i'll just leave it here until i distill its essence.

I woke up today full of energy, possibly because it was the first time i've slept early in a long while.

School was the usual take-the-day-the-way-you-want kind of day, you know, lectures.. tutorials.. recess.. and of course free periods when teachers want to take breaks. It so happened that my class had a free period today, which i spent with classmates grossing over three minute long montages on youtube. 

My class took a rather unique photo from an aerial perspective. We formed the numbers "73", the numbers i have associated rather amicably with. The photo had a 3-dimensional effect much enhanced by the grooved wood flooring and the deliberately acute & obtuse steel pillars in the background. Two SMTP physics guys helped out as our camera men, probably because they being humans are gregarious creatures, but more likely out of curiosity from the attention we were attracting.

Tuesdays and Thursdays always end of a high note, those in my tutorial group would understand. Prejudices aside, i'm a teenager myself, and i do realise the need to express himself/herself after being caged for a hour and a half. "Caged" because during such periods, the supposed saint (or tutor) and slave (or student) relation has never failed to exhibit continental drift.

Played tennis with the juniors. We made our rules, which was tweaked for aspiring tennis players who just learnt to hold a racket. Altogether, we defied conventional and consecrated rules of service, net play, and court movement. It would have been otherwise too regimental to have obeyed such conventions. 

Day ended with a meeting with the most wonderful team i've been with for my JC life. Nothing fell short of expectations. Informal? Certainly. Earth-shattering? Depending on the decibels we contributed to the noise pollution index. The meeting -- as informal as it got -- carried with it a subtle message of going the extra mile for the friends we make. This is a commitment that i hope others agree i have stood by and i will continue to stand by it, even after graduation day.


It is not altogether staggering to know that there are more journeys to trudge forward to. But the reason that i feel saturated, is probably because seeing these instances from the perspective of "little blessings in life" gives me much more to contemplate over. I do feel invigorated, from being able to think through what i consider as a perplexity. 

Put simply, the school day represents time to learn, which i may not have the time to do so in the future. The tuesdays and thursdays endurance sessions are instances of dull school life, the dullness makes great days in school shine against the rest. The informal meeting with the huge team of amazing individuals provided me with the first thought which led to this post.  

Though these unique events appear many and varied, each event carries its own significance that is likely to continue to fascinate me. As it is said, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

I saw a bird perching perfectly horizontal,
i thought it was fascinating;

I saw an octogenarian wearing a standard charted marathon shirt,
i thought it was unfitting;

I saw a palm leaf from a tall tree droop to a man's height,
i thought it was something unusual;

I saw my life as a mirror in which i only saw within,
i realized the mirror could be done without.

It is going to rain.

The wind came in strong gusts, some might call it blustery. Standing by the window, i squinted and stared in full anticipation of a possible startling phenomena. The row of greenery got my attention.

As each gust came, withered and salt loaded leaves would detach from its stems and follow the wind currents in a self-aggrandizing dance of vivid cadmium yellow, orange and gold. Consequently, this left behind a row of greenery more lush and luxuriant than before. Though this process is understandably transitional as any other storm would predict, yet the picture of yellow and gold dashes created by the leaves' descent from its stem was far too abstract as nature itself.

By now, the splatter of needle-like raindrops could be heard on the window.  The sprinkle soon transformed itself into a raging force, as thick droplets of rain, accompanied by a gale, unforgivingly lashed out against anything without cover.  This time, the remaining green leaves did not detach, but remained resilient to the raging impact of each raindrop. The leaves absorbed the impact of the raindrop and i pictured it to be as aesthetic as the ornaments of crystal formed on my window when the rain was incipient.

The rain soon thinned out in exhaustion. The rain, like an electrifying force, rejuvenated the row of greenery, awoke the otherwise drying earth, and brought life to the pink and white flowers that peppered the canopy of the trees.  I had not been disenchanted.


_____________________________________________


The dance of the falling leaves was a part of nature's universe which no other event exists. Nature is circumscribed by the laws of nature; its universe is its own. Even though i cannot explain, or even apprehend the choreography of this dance, the fact that withered and salt loaded leaves are meant to fall is explainable -- rational after all.  As i proceed to finish off this entry, i realised that in the world of nature, i did not entirely exist.

A feeling hit me today. And it has been bothering me since morning.

Just as human as i am made to be, a guy like me can often allow untamed memories of love enter my unconscious. My mind contains this panoply of instincts, emotions, memories - which at stimulus triggers mental chaos - complicated as it is messy. Such internal players toil with intuition, fracture logical reasoning and controls the measure of a man.

I admire thinkers. I too, would like to be considered one. In periods of calm deliberation, i do explore the volatility of such internal players and a common conclusion i arrive at, is that the strength of man's will and spirit can overcome all internal players, no matter how chronic or startling. It is therefore unprecedented that today, my spirit cowers.  

I believe this is, empirically, a passive self-imprisonment. And by the same shortcoming, any active effort would help to axe the lock.

My motivation in posting this entry, came from a visit to the Bishan Home for the Mentally Handicap.

I did come to a conclusion after the visit cum concert with the mentally disabled : Public impressions of the mentally handicap remain abysmal. Public relations with these folks are adversarial. No doubt, the best arrangement for them are in homes where they can be self-absorbed.

I started a casual conversation with one of those folks, it was about animals. He was cool to share that his brother owns 2 cats and they have a dog. What was worth noting is, he divulged that the dog's favourite hobby is sleeping. It was only as the conversation progressed, that i found out this dog was sleeping on the 11th floor of the Bishan home and has not woken up since. Bishan home has 3 floors.

The Truth.

Let truth exclude the broadened sense accepted by men, and be solely the minimalist values that contain the significance of any issue or agreement. Truth, posited as an entity free from claims and assertions that change the essential and intricate value of the happening.

Had the working staff at Bishan Home, exposed that particular folk to the absolute truth, implications are certain to arise. But the choice to sweep the truth under the carpet, and to create that "perfect lie" of permanent sleep engulfed this folk in oblivion.

Abated truth addles the judgment of the passive, it advocates the bottomless-pit approach, where pure truth cannot be understood. The snake represents this perfect lie, for the truth is: with no legs, one cannot walk. But by each caterpillar movement that the snake makes, it is able to travel. This biological ingenuity of the snake defies the truth of traveling. This is nature's "perfect lie".

We have come to an agreement that Truth, given certain circumstances, can be incorporated with the "perfect lie". This extends past the benefit of mankind, to people around him. Within such limits of truth, controversies and disbelief may be more easily resolved, notwithstanding the core principles of truth.

Our hesitation when choosing to crave for the absolute truth, or to tweak certain elements of truth for greater mankind's benefit is just one paradox that we see in the association of truth. The other paradox comes when these elements of truth combine with extraneous considerations of personal benefit.

It seemed as if it was only yesterday that Singapore gained independence. And it felt like it was yesterday's political wisdom that was repudiated.

Superficially, speaker's corner is getting crowded with students interested in engaging their professors, America's political scene is about to re-live democrat Bill Clinton's legacy and the handling of mini-bonds are now the talk of the town. These are all good effort in the name of change.

Yet, on the basis of super-scale economic reinvention such as the "$700 billion rescue package" and "(Singapore's law system) constitutional change" -- which are no less than euphonious names -- many of us look up for inspiration and look down in desperation. To me, all these political talk is no less confounding than biological nomenclature.

For the omnivorous reader, he would be able to tell politics is the art of compromise, where politicians win by infusing "change" with people's wants. For the nobel laureate, such surrealism is pretty but pointless, where no other nobel prize worthy work can solve the crisis. For the man with an unstable job, he is the victim of the economic crisis.

So much has the society at large matured, having been trapped for 5 months and counting within the epicenter of the sub-prime crisis. Sublimely, such repercussions of speculative efforts to stem the credit crisis and the eventual battle march would be at the expense of courtesies and circumlocutions, especially where morals, health, money are at stake. This the proverbial Hobson's choice.

Despondence contains gloom,
Small setbacks are hard,
Reality insensate to the touch,
And ambition deaf to my drum.

I am not stranded,
But i have grown to learn,
That optimism is a decision to make,
By ourselves.

Schindler's List, a merely competent tribute to Oskar Schindler who saved the lives of more than one thousand Polish Jews during the Holocaust. Yet having been taken up by Itzhak Perlman, he exalted this ordinary material, and transformed feelings of anguish, fear and happiness into this simple melody.

Now this is uber cool. Of all the teachers i have, i recently got a teacher who is a sesquipedalian stylist, he throws words such as "ambi-dexterous" when describing is writing prowess without missing a beat.

He is Dr Richard Arnold, Canadian by birth (the freezing arctic lessons we have are an epiphenomenon of the 4 seasons) and a quondam professor of English Literature, before becoming our GP tutor. Cool stuff.


During Dr Richard's lessons,
This is what i am like: Intrigued


Lessons with such a versatile talker are never boring. Although lessons stretch 1.5 hours into the afternoon, the anecdotes, analogies and archaic (but no less relavent) methods of teaching often leave me inspired and immersed in his arguments.

I've found my candidate for the Best English Teacher Award 2008!

Do you know the reason behind the unhealthy lifestyles of teenage, school-going, Singaporean youths?

Parents and teachers share a common denominator when it comes to this; they all strongly believe that the unhealthy lifestyles is because teenagers like us are (1) unable to effectively manage our time, (2) unable to concentrate on revision and (3) unable to exert self-control againts computer games. And hence, we become laden with the time-management talks, revision tips and special counselling sessions.

Sounds familiar? Yeah maybe.

Well, us the student population have a different view (which i must say is quite logical). If you do a study on the way teenagers spent their hours in periods close to major tests, you would realize that the unhealthy lifestyles are because of school work!

Students remain sedentary over their mounds of notes, sometimes past midnight just to attain passable grades; their eyes exercise laterally, from left to right along the lines of the lecture notes. Good exercise, maybe that would stimulate 10-20 brain cells. The only times they get free time to relax are probably during school hours during CCAs. sigh. And so, you ask about unhealthy lifestyles?


How many calories can you burn from this?


If you take your findings from the study and plot a graph of stress levels against time, you would find that the graph "peaks" during exam periods and 1 month before and wavers off after the tests are over. I call them stress asymptotes. They are good evidence against the highly flawed school system.

Then again, teachers have the counter argument. They say that the "peaks" are due to hypochondria-cal reactions to our upcoming promos, conscious histrionics to cover up our ineffectiveness in revision, and a psychotic rebellion to examinations.

Students are not actors, and the school isn't a theatre. We are not merely malingering.

I just came across on of the most traumatizing blunder i has ever happened in my whole life; the physics post lecture test was CLOSED by the time i came across it.

3% of my final year......... gone!


Mood: TERRIFIED :o !!

" YES, I would buy a kidney;
..No, I would rather not sell mine. "

This was the general consensus of the Singapore general public, as polled by ST street poll. Shocking? Selfish? Well, may be not. Let me attempt to explain THE phenomenon.


This is the equation:

Seller + Healthy organ = Buyer + Cash

And if you balance it:

Seller + (2)Healthy organ = Buyer + (9999999)Cash


Okay, its not entirely balanced, but you got my point; the cash is not proportionate to the 2 healthy organs. Since Singaporeans cannot be assured that their precious kidney is worth the $30-$40k, not many citizens are willing to sell their organ. So before we tag ourselves as "selfish Singaporeans" and elicit many other negative connotations, why not look at the viewpoint that we do not have the confidence that we, the organ donors, would benefit equally.


even kidneys stare with annoyance at their value,
they want dignity, they do not want a fixed value.


For the buyer in need, the transplanted organ is a potentially life-giving or life prolonging gift, the herald of spring. The blessed 5-10 more years of living alongside their loved ones may be just the precious years they would treasure for a lifetime.

Got it? This is the reason that people are willing to buy (an organ) but not willing to sell (their organ).

Sadly, modern society behaviour must be accounted in the equation. It offsets the entire equation, as human life is believed to be beyond a defined cash price. So for as long as we do not change our social mores, nothing would happen. The equation can never exist in equilibrium, one party (or the other) would tend to lose out.

Maybe, i should be in-charge of NKF, so that change can be established (haha). No golden tap, no first-class SIA flights, so maybe not. =D

You don't often hear me exclaiming in the canteen while paying for food. Thinking back, my exclamation was not loud enough to arouse attention. Any louder and i could easily pass off as a lunatic who has faced epic/epidemic proportions of block tests. Haha.


What the February?
The price has jumped again (omg)

So anyways, i was queueing up for food as usual at the college canteen. As usual, i prepared a $2 note so that the person behind me would not have to wait while i dig deep into my wallet. Having selected 1 meat and 1 vegetable, i was on to make my 3rd selection and pay the $2. The uncle offered a concerned look and said "boy, add this (the last selection) is $2.80". What?! You mean the price of 3 dishes with rice has increased $0.80 to $2.80??. A thought shot through my mind: "Thats a 40% increase, uncle".

Inevitably, after the exclamation, i was left shocked for a few spilt seconds, as the uncle's eyes inspected me with repletion. The uncle's words was an ultimatum, but i had the choice there and then to pay the $2.80 or to walk off to another stall; i chose not to countermand.


Inflation, how i love you

Recalling words from econs lecture, a 40% inflation is classified as hyper-inflation. During hyper-inflation, there would be hoarding, lots of shoe-leather costs and political turmoil. Gosh, according to economic predictions, we are facing an impending catastrophe!! BUT....not to fret, i have a few solutions that are of BBI challenge standard:

1. If i set up another stall selling food at $2, the canteen's economy would become more price elastic, and consumers would sally forth to me (think high profit margins). xD. It's a welfare initiative, i am sure i have the council's support. Right Jang? heehee.

2. While the above idea seems like the next Entrepreneurship Challenge winning idea, i do have an alternative solution. We can also break-fast with the penguins in the north pole. That would save us not only $0.80 but $2.80 a day.

Anyone to second? :D

I live in an age of technology, by that i mean 21st century technology. Not that i live in a maze of self-automated machines or having voice-activated fans, but sufficiently enough to have a hand-phone, computer and an ipod.

Of these 3 commodities, the hand-phone is the worst. It does allow you to take videos of your worst teachers, it also has rather intriguing games that allow you to spend boring lectures effectively. BUT, one thing it does not allow you to do is to see the number of "UNKNOWN" callers. Yes, unknown callers. These are the people who go the extra mile to hide from whoever they call in the dark and hopefully never be recognized once the line is connected. lol.


You never know who to expect, isn't that eerie?

Sometimes when i receive a call from an "unknown" caller, i would take a moment to decide whether to pick up the call. Lo and behold, the person on the other side of the line may just be a vacuum cleaner salesman trying to promote his latest suction technology that he claims would be a deadly weapon for mass destruction against dust mites:/. There should be a rule of thumb: that unknown callers should make themselves known by removing the "unknown" tag to their number. That is, of course unless they are an aspiring vacuum cleaner salesman. HAHA.

I ignor unknown callers most of the time, i mean callers with their name tagged as "unknown". Sometimes, i feel guilty for not picking up the call since the person on the other end may have something important to say. Technically, it is not wrong to do so, because everyone has a right to choose not to pick up the phone, and so if you feel irritated that someone is not picking up your call, don't be offended. xD.